Musings of Suresh “Great Baron” Jeyaverasingam

Got it from Malaysia-today.(Author: Hishamuddin Rais)

MENDOLAH – perkataan ini bukan berasal dari daulat. Daulat berasal dari bahasa Tok Arab yang memberi erti ‘state’. Mendolah – ertinya tidur ketika bekerja. Ini samalah dengan bidalan ‘curi tulang’. Perkataan mendolah tidak boleh digunakan ketika kita tidur dan beronggi ponggi dengan suami/gundek/gro/isteri/perempuan simpanan atau isteri baru. Tetapi tidak salah digunakan ketika menonton filem atau tv.

CONTOH AYAT: Rakyat Malaysia banyak mendolah ketika menonton tv Malaysia terutama apabila mereka menonton rancangan seram Forum Perdana. Ada juga yang mendolah ketika menonton rancangan komidi Berita. Ketika saya di sekolah dahulu jika guru saya membosankan maka saya akan mendolah. Hari ini ramai jamaah yang mendolah ketika mendengar khutbah Jumaat dari Tok Imam kaki bodek.

MENAAJIBKAN – perkataan ini ada bertalian dan berakar umbi dari perkataan takjub yang berasal dari perkataan Sanskrit. Menaajibkan memberi makna hairan lagi menghairankan.

CONTOH AYAT: Cukup menaajibkan apabila nama Altantuya seorang model dari Mongolia hilang dari senarai nama pelawat yang masuk di lapangan terbang KLIA. Lebih menaajibkan lagi ialah model ini kemudian ditembak mati. Mayatnya dengan naajib sekali telah diledakan dengan bom C4. Rakyat tertanya-tanya apakah ada anak yang menaajibkan dalam perut model itu. Rakyat menjadi cukup naajib apabila mahkamah diberitahu bahawa model ini pernah makan malam dengan Timbalan Perdana Menteri Malaysia. Apabila media luar negara memburu menteri berkenaan beliau telah menaajibkan diri.

PAATAIL - Perkataan ini bermakna saekor barua muda. Jangan silap dengan perkataan Inggeris – Pa tail yang bermakna ekor bapak beruang. Juga jangan tersilap dengan Patil yang bererti orang India yang masuk kawasan Felda menjual kerusi meja.

CONTOH AYAT: Abdel Ghaani adalah seekor pelajar tercorot dan amat bengap lagi poyo dalam fakulti undang-undang di Universiti Malaya. Ghaani tidak ada pilihan melainkan menjadi paatail kepada kawan sekelas yang lebih bijak. Kawan-kawan mempaatailkan Ghaani dengan menyuruh dia menjadi tukang sapu papan hitam. Ghaani juga tahu mukanya yang bulat dan hidungnya kemik menjadikan dia bahan ketawa di fakulti. Malah ada yang menganggap Ghaani sebagai seekor tukang sapu dari Indon. Ghaani pernah beberapa kali dihalang olih Pak Guard di pintu masuk UM kerana dianggap sebagai seorang lembu. Ghaani sedar untuk cari makan dia hanya boleh menjadi paatail. Dia terus mempaatailkan dirinya kepada Mahafiraun. Hari ini Abdel Ghaani adalah contoh seekor paatail yang terbaik untuk menjadi ikutan sesiapa yang bebal.

NAZZRI : Bunyi perkataan nazzri ini sama macam NAZZI - parti politik Hitler. Nazzri bermakna seekor manusia yang menyalak kuat seperti Routweiler.

CONTOH AYAT : Apabila seseorang itu kurang ilmu pengetahuan maka dia akan bernazzri. Lebih kosong di antara dua telinganya maka lebih bernazzrilah insan itu. Seperti nazzri menyalak bukit ialah perumpamaan moden. Tetapi awas ada sedikit perbezaan dengan nazzri menyalak bukit dengan anjing menyalak bukit. Dalam perkataan nazzri ada unsur bodek. Unsur bodek tidak wujud dalam anjing menyalak bukit.

RASHEED - Perkataan ini juga membawa makna seekor barua. Berbeza dengan perkataan paatail kerana rasheed membawa makna saekor barua tua yang penuh dengan tipu helah.

CONTOH AYAT : Abdeel pun merasheedkan dirinya kerana dia menyedari tanpa merasheedkan dirinya tidak mungkin dia mendapat kerja sebagai penjaga tandas. Rasheed ini juga sedar orang ramai memandang hina terhadap dirinya tetapi kerana ingin mencari makan maka dia pun menjadi barua yang paling rasheed sekali.

AZZLINA – Perkataan ini bermakna muka purtan tembam yang menakutkan.

CONTOH AYAT : Muka purtan itu cukup azzlina. Apabila kanak-kanak ternampak purtan yang azzlina ini kanak-kanak akan menangis dan lari ketakutan. Cara purtan azzlina menyelesaikan masalah ini ialah dengan membuat blog dan meletakkan gambar azzlinanya yang telah di photoshop.

TOYO - Perkataan ini bermakna merepair muka yang hodoh dengan mengunakan sabit.

CONTOH AYAT : Saekor buruh dari pulau Jawa telah jatuh ke dalam loji tahi. Mukanya menjadi hodoh kerana dimakan oleh ulat tahi. Dalam keadaan darurat, kerana loji tahi ini jauh dalam kampung di Kuala Selangor maka mukanya Jawa ini telah ditoyokan oleh doktor dari jabatan haiwan. Awas mentoyokan muka tidak dianggap sah untuk ke masjid, kuil, gereja atau untuk menjadi Ketua Pemuda Umno.

LINGAM - Lingam dalam bahasa sanskrit ialah kontol/pelir. Lingam di sini bermakna biawak hitam. Satu jenis biawak yang lidahnya bercabang tiga. Biawak jenis ini banyak hidup berkembang di zaman pemerintahan Mahafiraun.

CONTOH AYAT : Anwar Ibrahim telah menangkap seekor lingam yang cukup legam. Apabila leher lingam ini di ikat maka berbuih-buih mulutnya dari dari lehernya keluar bunyi – korek, korek korek.

CONTOH LATIHAN PENGUAAN PERKATAAN BARU:

Di kota Paris dalam bilik hotel di Avenue des Champs-Élysées, Altantuya seorang model dari Mongolia telah melihat longokan dolar yang menaajibkan. Dolar ini adalah sebagai upah membeli kapal selam. Naajib sebagai tanda terima kasih telah memberikan lingamnya kepada Altantuya. Pada ketika itu muka lingam ini amat azzlina sekali hingga menakutkan Altantuya. Lingam ini menjalar liar sambil berdengkur… korek… korek… korek.

Tiba-tiba seekor paatail muncul membuka pintu bilik kerana terdengar bunyi dengkuran lingam. Paatail ini dengan penuh naajib telah cuba menyelamatkan lingam naajib dari terus menjalar ke bawah katil dan masuk ke dalam gown Prada Altantuya. Si paatail ini bergegas cuba menyelamatkan lingam naajib. Altantuya cukup naajib sekali kerana lingam ini hilang di bawah katilnya.

Paatail mengambil talipon kamar dan memanggil seekor rasheed tua untuk membantu mencari lingam. Rasheed tua yang sedang mendolah di pejabat telah bergegas bangun. Dengan tergesa-gesa rasheed tua datang dengan seekor nazzri yang menghidu sambil menyalak-nyalak mencari lingam naajib. Dua ekor barua - rasheed dan paatail - menjengokkan muka ke bawah katil. Tanpa disedari lingam yang lidah bercabang tiga telah telah mencakar muka paatail dan rasheed. Nazzri yang menyalak telah menerkam lingam tetapi lingam telah juga mencakar muka nazzri.

Akibat dari cakaran lingam muka rasheed, paatail dan nazzri menjadi azzlina. Apabila muka-muka yang azzlina ini dilihat oleh Altantuya, dia menjerit takut. Jeritan Altantuya ini telah mengejutkan ramai penghuni hotel.

Salah seorang penghuni hotel ialah Madame Dotty yang baru saja mentoyokan mukanya. Madame Dotty dengan marah telah bergegas masuk ke bilik Altantuya. Madame Dotty cukup naajib lagi marah apabila melihat lingam naajib sedang menjalar liar.

Semua di dalam bilik hotel cukup naajib apabila melihat muka Madame Dotty yang baru ditoyokan. Muka Madame Dotty yang azzlina itu cukup naajib lagi menaajibkan. Mereka semua menjerit takut dengan nazzrinya sekali.

Madame Dotty tidak naajib walau sedetik pun kerana dia mengenali lingam yang legam ini. Madame Dotty mengambil lingam dan meletakan di atas pangkuannya. Lingam terus berdengkur …… korek… korek… korek.

PERKATAN LAIN YANG BARU UNTUK DEWAN BAHASA PUSTAKA

Ronggi ponggi - bersegama atau mengentot

Purtan - perempuan jantan

Pencomeh - penyokong

Mahafiraun - tak perkataan ini pun sudah lupa!

Poyo Belia 5B – bangang, bahlul, bodoh, bengong, be

Siapa pula Madame Dotty?

Stairs that are out of the ‘tried and tested’ variety. Actually I’m just testing a new plugin in firefox. Exam time distractions!

clipped from deputy-dog.com

Note:I meant to write in a way that combines sarcasm and fact. I hope you can see past the sarcasm and enjoy what I’ve written. No hard feelings allright?

Right…on the Malaysian scene, 1 cent coin, will be phased out coming April 1, 2008.

Thankfully though there are guidelines for rounding them.

Now what does that means…Simple..If you’re Malaysian regardless of your race and religion. Just expect a $9.95 sale instead of $9.99. Yup..we may as well benefit slightly from this new rule. But knowing Malaysians are always Kiasu, greedy and ultra capitalist (yup, people of all races in Malaysia is guilty of this…there is no such as thing as a conscientious capitalist in Malaysia…except of course me ). So all goods will be artificially priced ending with .99 cents so that when you’re about to pay the money, it will be rounded up!

Yup…and everybody will make noise again on how things are so expensive (valid ofcourse…but since everybody wants to make extra money, this means that everybody will raise prices never mind the fact that they’re already making profit ).

I like!!! I wish I had this when I was younger.

see here

That will give a twist to the old adage that diamond is a woman’s best friend. With the introduction of those cards, that adage would hold equally true to men as well! especially the young executives!

On the other hand, if a person loses his/her card and says, DAMN, I lost my ‘Diamond’ credit Card…well, I guess it doesn’t matter. Losing a diamond studded credit card when you’re rich is nothing really.

As for me, I’d probably be buying wait for it….computers….Yup…a technofile is a technofile is a technofile is a tech…

I got this from my mail.

At a fundraising dinner for a school that serves learning disabled children,
the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended. After extolling  the school and its dedicated staff, he offered a  question:  

"When not interfered with by outside  influences, everything nature does is done with  perfection. Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as  other children do. He cannot understand things as  other children do. Where is the natural order of  things in my son?"   

The audience was stilled by the query.

The father continued. "I believe, that  when a child like Shay, physically and mentally  handicapped comes into the world, an opportunity to  realize true human nature presents itself, and it  comes, in the way other people treat that  child."

Then he told the following story:

Shay and his father had walked past a park  where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball.  Shay asked,"Do you think they’ll let me play?"  Shay’s father knew that most of the boys would not  want someone like Shay on their team, but the father  also understood that if his son were allowed to  play, it would give him a much-needed sense of  belonging and some confidence to be accepted by  others in spite of his handicaps.Shay’s father approached one of the boys  on the field and asked if Shay could play, not  expecting much. The boy looked around for guidance  and said, "We’re losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team  and we’ll try to put him in to bat in the ninth  inning."Shay struggled over to the team’s bench  put on a team shirt with a broad smile and his  Father had a small tear in his eye and warmth in his  heart. The boys saw the father’s joy at his son  being accepted. In the bottom of the eighth inning,  Shay’s team scored a few runs but was still behind  by three. In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put  on a glove and played in the right field. Even  though no hits came his way, he was obviously  ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field,  grinning from ear to ear as his father waved to him  from the stands. In the bottom of the ninth inning,  Shay’s team scored again. Now, with two outs and the  bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base  and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat.At this juncture, do they let Shay bat and  give away their chance to win the game?  Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew  that a hit was all but impossible ‘cause Shay didn’t  even know how to hold the bat properly, much less  connect with the ball. However, as Shay stepped up to the plate, the pitcher, recognizing the other team putting  winning aside for this moment in Shay’s life, moved  in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay  could at least be able to make contact. The first  pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed. The  pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the  ball softly towards Shay. As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball right  back to the pitcher.      The game would now be over, but the  pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have  easily thrown the ball to the first baseman. Shay  would have been out and that would have been the end  of the game. 

Instead, the pitcher threw the ball right  over the head of the first baseman, out of reach of  all team mates. Everyone from the stands and both  teams started yelling, "Shay, run to first! Run to  first!" Never in his life had Shay ever ran that far  but made it to first base. He scampered down the  baseline, wide-eyed and startled.    

 Everyone yelled, "Run to second, run to  second!" Catching his breath, Shay awkwardly ran  towards second, gleaming and struggling to make it  to second base. By the time Shay rounded towards  second base, the right fielder had the ball, the  smallest guy on their team, who had a chance to be  the hero for his team for the first time. He could  have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the  tag, but he understood the pitcher’s intentions and  he too intentionally threw the ball high and far  over the third-baseman’s head. Shay ran toward third  base deliriously as the runners ahead of him circled  the bases toward home. All were screaming, "Shay, Shay, Shay, all  the Way Shay"     Shay reached third base, the opposing  shortstop ran to help him and turned him in the  direction of third base, and shouted, "Run to third!  Shay, run to third" As Shay rounded third, the boys  from both teams and those watching were on their  feet were screaming, "Shay, rmaking his Father so happy and coming home  and seeing his Mother tearfully embrace her little  hero of the day!

I’ve always wondered how the term ‘Mat Salleh’ came about. In school we learnt it was the name of a freedom fighter (rebel to the British). So how come his name has come to be known as a reference to  orang putih? To my understanding, the term Mat Salleh is an ethnic slur in modern Malaysia. Err…so how did this come about?

did a bit of research and came up about this information at this website. So head over there and read about it but before you do, check out the pic below. Yeah…isn’t she a beauty. Jeremy Clarkson opines that the Porshe designers are one of the laziest on Earth. That maybe so, but hey a beauty is a beauty.

 P.S: that’s the Cayman S. All dressed in black. Yeah, Hitam itu Emas!